Have you recently gone through a divorce, breakup, or other form of relationship loss, and felt like the floor has fallen out from under you? Are you unsure where to go from here and how you can learn to trust again? Divorces, breakups, and other forms of relationship loss can make you question who you are, your daily routine, future plans, and sense of home and safety in the world. Whether the separation was mutual or unexpected, amicable or contentious, the aftermath often includes deep grief, anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional pain that can linger long after your relationship ends.
If you find yourself stuck or reeling following the end of a relationship that you valued, EMDR may be able to help. EMDR is a powerful and research-backed therapy that can often help folks gain relief faster and more fully than traditional talk therapies.
What is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an evidence-based therapy initially developed to treat trauma and PTSD but has sense proven highly effective for depression, anger, and anxiety. EMDR helps folks process painful memories and negative beliefs about yourself to bring relief and help better create the life you want.
Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR uses bilateral stimulation (such as side-to-side eye movements, tapping, or sounds) to help the brain process unresolved pain and trauma. The therapy follows an eight-phase protocol that includes history-taking, preparation, and reprocessing of painful memories with the help of a trained therapist. It often works to bring healing and relief much quicker and more fully than other traditional therapies.
How can EMDR help you heal after relationship loss?
Relationships ending that we relied on and valued are some of the most jarring, earth-shattering losses in life we, as humans, go through. Whether it was a slow unraveling or a sudden shock, the emotional fallout can leave you feeling wrecked and raw. EMDR therapy can help you bounce back—not just by coping, but by actually healing and coming out stronger.
1. It gets you out of the negative mental loop
You know that post-breakup brain loop? The one that keeps replaying the last fight, the last text, or the “what ifs” on repeat? EMDR helps break that cycle. It works with your brain to process those heavy memories so they stop taking over your day. You won’t forget what happened, but it stops feeling like it’s happening right now every time you think about it.
2.It helps to quiet your inner critic
After a relationship ends, a lot of people start thinking stuff like:
- “What’s wrong with me?”
- “I’ll never find love again.”
- “I should’ve seen it coming.”
- “I”m too much” or “I’m not enough”
- “I’m too broken.”
That inner voice can be really hard on you—but EMDR helps reduce the intensity and frequency of the inner-critic bully. Instead, you start to believe kinder, more realistic things like: “I did my best,” “This doesn’t define me,” and “I’m still deserving of love.” This starts to become more natural with the help of EMDR.
3. It can help to heal old wounds too
Breakups have a sneaky way of stirring up old attachment wounds from earlier in life—like feeling rejected, not good enough, or afraid to be alone. Sometimes it’s not just about this relationship, but it’s about earlier experiences of pain that never fully healed. EMDR helps you work through those, too, so you’re not carrying them into your future.
4. It gives you closure
Unfortunately, not every relationship ends with a heart-to-heart or a satisfying goodbye. Sometimes you’re left hanging with no closure, no explanation, and a lot of “Why did this happen?” EMDR helps you find your own sense of closure—no awkward conversations or texts left on read required.
5. It calms the chaos
Heartbreak doesn’t just hit your heart—it messes with your sleep, your appetite, your focus… pretty much everything. EMDR helps soothe your activated nervous system so you’re not walking around feeling anxious or overwhelmed all the time. Folks often say they feel lighter, calmer, and more in control—sometimes after just a few sessions.
6. It helps to build you backup
EMDR doesn’t just help you let go of the past—it helps you build confidence and emotional strength for the future. Whether you’re ready to date again or just want to enjoy your own company without that sense of sadness or fear, EMDR helps you feel more confident and like yourself again.
You deserve to life a life free from the pain and barriers holding you back. Your “worst moment” or seemingly “worst” parts of yourself, don’t have to define you. If you feel like you’re not finding the relief you want, reach out to the EMDR Center of Denver today to schedule a free consultation to determine if EMDR may be a good fit for you.
More research on the effectiveness of EMDR for breakups and divorce
EMDR-Based Divorce Recovery Group: A Case Study
Using EMDR to treat intimate partner relationship break-up issues
EMDR as an Integrative Therapeutic Approach for the Treatment of Separation Anxiety Disorder
Gessica Cross, LCSW
Gessica has more than a decade of experience helping people find relief from the barriers holding them back so that they can create a more fulfilling, satisfying life. She is formally trained in EMDR and graduated with a Master’s in Social Work from the University of Illinois with honors. She moved to Colorado after completing a post-graduate fellowship in India in which she provided pro bono work among survivors of kidnapping, abduction, and human slavery. She has specialized in helping people recover from trauma, depression, and anxiety. She is excited to work with you!